


Apologies

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [38]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint Needs a Hug, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:48:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1779673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Phil apologizes for slapping Clint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The op had gone FUBAR fast. The junior agents sent in to rescue the other junior agents were now captured. Security in the compound had tripled and they can’t risk any more men going in. It was just too risky. 

So of course Clint had to save the day. Phil had ordered him not to move from his perch and instead to wait for instructions. But then they heard gun shots from inside the compound. Before Coulson could tell him no, Clint had jumped off of his perch and sneaked inside the building, not noticing that his comm fell off.

It took him 45 minutes, 2 gun shot wounds (a graze, really) to the arm and to the thigh, and a lot of knocked out HYDRA agents but he managed to rescue 7 out of 8 junior agents, the last Clint was too late to save.

When they all got out of the compound, Phil met him halfway. As soon as the older man was in front of him, Coulson slapped him. The junior agents following him, froze. Clint didn’t move, his face hanging of to the right,

One of the junior agents tried to speak. “Sir, I-“

"Shut up. All of you, go back to the quinjet. Agent Sitwell will be the one to debrief you." 

"But, Sir, Agent Barton was-"

"Did you not hear your orders, Agent? Get to the Quinjet. Now."

The junior agents scurried past the two and Clint still refused to look back at Phil. As soon as they were alone, Phil’s bland mask broke and was replaced by seething rage.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Barton?! You were given specific orders not to engage, and you do the exact opposite! Countless times, Barton! Countless times I let your insubordination pass because they always almost turn out fine. But those times I knew what was going on while you do whatever it is you do. This time, we had no contact with you. For 45 goddamn minutes we all stood here wondering what was happening inside, not knowing if anyone was ever coming back out. Are you fucking stupid?! Do you have a death wish?! Because if you do, I’d prefer you complete it when you’re not under my command." Phil tried to calm himself down, but the adrenaline was still pumping. "I’m benching you for a month." He finally said.

Clint’s eyes widened and he finally looked at Phil but there was nothing on Coulson’s face that left for negotiation. Clint ducked his head, and Phil walked towards the waiting Quinjet with Clint in tow.

—-

There was no way to deny it. Coulson was in the wrong. Clint had only done what was necessary to save the lives of the junior agents but that did not mean that it was any easier for Phil. As soon as Coulson heard the gun shot, he knew that Clint had sprinted into action. He tried to talk to Clint over the comm, but the archer was not responding. He took the binoculars stashed in the van and peered through it just in time to see Clint vanish into the compound. 

Every shot Phil heard was like a punch to the gut. He couldn’t possibly send in more people as it might put everyone in danger. He trusted Clint. He knew that the archer could pull this off. Sure of it, but without the reassurance in his ear, all he could do was wait. 

When the 40 minute mark had passed, Coulson was about ready to storm in there himself but then there was movement from the compound and Clint came out with the puppies. 

Phil tried hard to keep his emotions hidden, he really did, but the relief of seeing Clint walk back out and the anger of the stupidity of the stunt made him snap. 

So now, he was pacing in his office. No clue what to do next. He knew he had to apologize to Clint. He had to explain to the archer that he had let his emotions get the better of him. That everything stemmed from the fear of losing Clint.

Phil nodded to himself. He had to do this. He walked around HQ trying to look for Clint. He wasn’t in the mess hall, he also was not in the range. The gym was being used as a training room right now so that’s a no too. There was one last place aside from the vents and that was Clint’s quarters. Phil slowly made his way to the bunkers arranging his thoughts and practicing how he was going to apologize to the archer. 

His brain blacked out when he reached the door to Clint’s quarters and Phil noticed that the door was ever so slightly ajar. Coulson could feel it. Something’s not right. 

He took the gun from his holster and clicked the safety off. He pushed the door open slowly. “Barton?” He tried calling out. The room was dark but it was also small, that’s why as soon as Phil had opened the door, Phil found the room a mess and Clint on the floor. His head was leaning against the wall, staring off and his knees were tucked close to his chest. 

Phil clicked the safety back on and put the gun in the holster. Phil closed the door behind him, no need for prying eyes. He approached Clint and knelt beside the man. “Barton? Are you okay?” He asked.

Clint didn’t respond.

"Clint?" Phil touched Clint’s arm and the archer flinched back to life. 

"Sir?" Clint asked, his voice rough and barely a whisper. Then he moved to rub at his eyes.

That’s when Phil had realized that Clint had just had a panic attack. The man was shivering, for Christ sake. He sat next to the archer and put his arm around him. Phil pushed Clint’s head down so that it was rested against his shoulder. The archer was stiff at first, but was soon relaxed. Phil heard soft sobs and he put his other arm around Clint so that he was now cradling the man’s head. Phil ran his hand up and down Clint’s back, trying to calm Clint before he whispered,

"I’m sorry, Clint. I’m so so sorry. It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry."

Later Phil would explain his apologies, but now he knew Clint just needs a hug.


	2. Chapter 2

Clint had fallen asleep and Phil had tucked him into bed. The tear stain on Clint’s face still hauntedPhil.

Phil had never seen Clint have an attack before. Plus there was nothing on his psych eval that said anything about a trigger to any kind of attack. Nevertheless, Phil knew that he was wrong. He’d done this to Clint, and he had to make it right somehow. 

Phil took off his suit jacket and hang it on the only chair in the room along with his tie and rolled his sleeves up. He started picking up the things that were scattered on the floor and put them back where they belong, running only on memory the last time he was there. The things he didn’t know where to put, he arranged neatly on the desk.

After everything was done, he looked at his watch and sighed. it was already 2am. There was no point in going back home. Besides, he needed to be there in case Clint needed something.

He settled on the floor beside Clint’s bed and just sat there. Clint was sleeping soundly, but the stains were still there, reminding Phil  what he had done. 

Phil reached out to try and wipe the archer’s face of the stains as gently as he could. and with a whisper he apologized to Clint over and over again.

—-

Phil woke with a start when the door closed. He surveyed the unfamiliar territory and found himself covered in blankets, while sitting on the floor. When had he fallen asleep?

He turned to find Clint standing by the door wearing a face that was silently wincing. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Phil ran a hand through his hair before shaking it. “No. I’m sorry for- for staying without permission. I should’ve left last night.”

Clint shrugged and gave him a tight smile. “It’s okay. It was nice to wake up next to someone I trusted.” He walked over and sat on the bed. “Even though said someone chose to sleep on the floor, with his head barely on the bed. Breakfast?” Clint held out a bagel with cream cheese to Phil. “I can get you coffee if you want.”

Phil shook his head again. “It’s okay, thanks.” He tried to take a bite out of the bagel but he just wasn’t hungry. 

"Look, about last night-"

"I’m sorry, last night was-"

They both said at the same time. Clint huffed out a smile and tried again. “Me first. I’m sorry about last night. You didn’t have to take care of me. You also shouldn’t have seen me like that.”

"Clint, I-"

Barton raised his hand. “I’m not done. You’ve seen me at my weakest, and I should be ashamed. I  _should_  feel ashamed. I mean, you’re already this legend around here. People put you in a pedestal, for fuck’s sake and I’m just this little  _thing_  in a pool of agents waiting to be chosen. You don’t even know how lucky I think I am that I get to work with you.” Clint sighs.

"And I had to fuck it up. I had to play hero. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to see me like that, I’m sorry you felt responsible for me, I’m sorry I made you stay. I’m just, I’m sorry." Clint looks down at his bagel and smiles tightly.

When it looked like Clint was done, Phil cleared his throat. Clint looked at him and Phil forced a smile. “I’m not a legend, Clint. People talk about me, yes. but I’m no legend. Just like how you’re not  _just_ a SHIELD agent. You’re special. First time I heard about you, I knew you were. You think you’re lucky to have me as your handler? Well, I feel the same way, more so, even. It’s ridiculous that you don’t even realize how gifted you are. How amazing, how selfless, how brave. You think that people look at you and find a failure, when it’s actually the contrary. They see someone to look up to. They see someone  _strong.”_

 _“_ But that’s just the thing, even the strong have weaknesses. You have yours, I have mine. Somewhere in your past, you became that strong person. And you pretend that it doesn’t hurt. That nothing fazes you. Just like I do.”

Phil paused. “During the last mission, I wasn’t able to hide my emotions. When you went in there, when I didn’t know what was happening inside; if you were okay… I lost it. I thought I was going to lose you. I panicked. And when I saw you walk out of there, I finally felt like I could breathe again, but I was also so mad at you, for making me worry like that. I snapped. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.”

They were silent for a few moments then Coulson stood up and took his jacket and tie, along with the bagel. “Well, I guess I should go.”  Phil says. 

Just before Phil shut the door, Clint called back to him. “Sir?”

Coulson looked back.

"Thank you. For everything. and- and I’m glad it was you who saw me. at my weakest, I mean. I wouldn’t have trusted anyone else."

Coulson smiled at him, a real one this time, before closing the door behind him and heading to his own office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/90475819236/thanks-to-everyone-who-greeted-me-a-happy)
> 
> Also, if anyone is interested, I'm doing a [giveaway](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/90678779416/promptmephlint-promptmephlint-hey-guys-so) that ends Sunday (July 6th, 2014 GMT+8) as thanks for my hundred plus followers. You don't have to be following me to join.

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/88676250696/i-have-two-settings-while-cooking-five-star-chef)


End file.
